29. Loss Of Purpose
EVENTS CAN CHANGE YOUR PURPOSE
There is one thing we can be sure of in life and that is change. We all grow and move on to different things at different times. Some things we know are coming, others take us by surprise and others come as a shock. When a disaster occurs or relationships end, whether they be personal, work or family, we all need time to learn to cope, adjust and heal.
Below is a 7 stage adjustment process for how we deal with and process, loss and the associated grief:
1. Shock and Denial: we generally react to learning of loss with numbed disbelief.
2. Pain and Guilt: as the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain.
3. Anger and Bargaining: frustration gives way to anger. We may lash out and lay blame.
4. 'Depression', Reflection and Loneliness: a long period of sad reflection and loneliness.
5. The Upward Turn: we start to adjust and life becomes calmer and more organised.
6. Reconstruction and Working Through: we become more functional and practical.
7. Acceptance and Hope: we learn to accept and deal with the reality of the situation.
We are all unique and have different expectations of ourselves and life. Some are normal but others are unrealistic. We view life from our own perspective and sometimes this perspective or perception needs adjustment. Be kind to yourself and take time to heal. Live one day at a time, some will be good and some not so good, but you will move on.
Life will always present challenges, it's how we respond to and deal with those challenges that impact our lives. Fear is a natural part of life. Fear of failing often prevents people from any form of change, whether that change is of our choosing or is forced upon us. Fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Often our obstacles are simply that: false evidence that we think is real. Never be afraid to ask for help. If the first person you ask is not the right person to help you, ask another, and another, until you find the right help. Support and help is always there if you look and persist.
"It's when we feel that our life's dreams have been shattered, through divorce, redundancy, illness or even an empty nest, that we are the most vulnerable to distorted thinking and indiscreet behaviours that can further complicate the situation.
This is also the time to be aware of the moods and attitudes of friends or associates who may be experiencing life-changing events. This is when we see the greatest risk of self-harm."